12 Signs The New Person You’re Dating Is A Jerk

Navigating the early stages of a budding romance can be an exhilarating experience. The butterflies in your stomach, the excitement of getting to know someone new, and the possibilities of where the relationship might lead are all part of the thrilling package. However, in the midst of the newness and novelty, it’s crucial not to overlook glaring signs that the person you’re dating isn’t the best match for you.

This is where your ability to recognize and heed red flags comes into play. Research shows that partners who feel trapped or undervalued in a relationship often ignore their gut feelings, discount signs of trouble, or fail to consider the long-term impact of toxic behaviors. In this extensive blog post, we will discuss 12 critical indicators that might signify you’re dating a jerk.

1. Lack of Respect

Respect is one of the most fundamental elements of any healthy partnership. It’s about valuing your partner’s opinions, boundaries, and individuality. If you notice that the person you’re dating habitually disregards your feelings, pays little attention to your boundaries, or belittles you in any way, these are telltale signals that they might not have the respect a relationship demands.

Digging Deeper on Disrespect

Consider specific instances where you’ve felt disrespected. Did they speak over you? Did they ignore your wishes? Was your personal space invaded without permission? These behaviors culminate in an environment that is not conducive to mutual admiration and equality in the relationship.

2. Controlling Behavior

Control in relationships is often subtle, creeping in before you can recognize the pattern. It could manifest in seemingly innocuous suggestions on your wardrobe or slight pressure to conform to their preferences. A controlling partner might also attempt to make decisions for you, gradually limiting your autonomy.

Assessing the Control

Reflect on situations where your partner has tried to steer your actions or choices. Have they insisted on certain plans without consulting you? Have they demonstrated discomfort with you making independent choices, even when it has no impact on them? It’s important to establish and maintain independence within a balanced dynamic.

3. Constant Criticism

Constructive feedback between partners is a natural part of growth. However, constant criticism that undermines your confidence or leaves you feeling inadequate has no place in a loving relationship.

Differentiating Criticism from Care

It’s crucial to discern the nature of the feedback you receive. Is it intended to help you grow and improve, or is it aimed at making you feel small? Healthy relationships provide support for self-improvement, not a running commentary on your faults.

4. Dismissive Attitude

Partners in a healthy relationship listen to each other and take each other’s perspectives into consideration. A dismissive partner, on the other hand, will often ignore your input, change the subject when you share your thoughts, or trivialize your feelings.

Feeling Heard and Understood

When you communicate, do you feel as if your partner values what you have to say? Or does the conversation frequently end with your viewpoints being dismissed? Building a strong foundation of communication requires equal participation and respect for each other’s thoughts.

5. Unreliability

Reliability is a pillar of trust in romantic relationships. If your partner frequently cancels plans at the last minute, doesn’t follow through with promises, or is generally untrustworthy of their word, this inconsistency can take a toll on the stability of your connection.

The Impact of Broken Commitments

Consider how the unreliability affects your perception of the relationship. Is there a pattern of behavior that makes you question their dedication? A partner you can’t rely on may not have the capacity to give you the security you need.

6. Selfishness

Selfish behavior in a relationship is characterized by a lack of consideration for your partner’s needs or feelings. It’s all about them and what they want, often at your expense.

Balancing Needs in a Relationship

A successful relationship is one where both partners’ needs are considered and balanced. Reflect on instances where your partner has made decisions that solely benefit them, without regard for how it impacts you or the relationship.

7. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where your partner makes you doubt your own reality. They might deny things they’ve said or done, tell you that you’re imagining things, or question your memory to the extent that you start to wonder if you’re the one at fault.

Recognizing Manipulation

Manipulation is an insidious tactic that erodes your self-confidence and can make you question the validity of your feelings. Trust your instincts and seek validation from trustworthy sources if you’re in doubt.

8. Manipulative Behavior

Manipulative behavior goes beyond gaslighting and may include guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or using silent treatments to get their way. The aim is to control your behavior through emotional tactics.

Identifying Emotional Manipulation

Examine the dynamics of your arguments and consider if your partner resorts to manipulative strategies during disputes. A healthy relationship involves open, honest dialogue, not playing games to win.

9. Anger Management Issues

We all experience anger, but it’s how it’s managed that matters. A partner with anger management issues may express their displeasure through yelling, physical intimidation, or by being verbally abusive.

Navigating Volatile Situations

Assess the severity of your partner’s anger. Do they lose their temper frequently? Do you feel safe expressing discontent around them? A healthy relationship is one where both partners can communicate frustrations without fear of aggression.

10. Dishonesty

Trust is a cornerstone of any successful partnership. If you catch your new partner in lies or misleading statements, it’s an indication that they may not value the trust you need to build a foundation for a lasting relationship.

Examining Honesty

Be attentive to instances where the truth seems to be fluid with your partner. Do they often omit key details? Do you find yourself fact-checking their stories? It’s essential to be with someone who’s honest, even when the truth is hard.

11. Lack of Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. A lack of empathy in a partner can result in them being indifferent to your emotions, dismissive of your concerns, or unsupportive during difficult times.

Connecting on an Emotional Level

Evaluate your partner’s responses when you express happiness, sadness, or any other emotion. Do they show genuine interest and empathy, or do they appear disengaged? A partner who can’t connect with your emotional world is unlikely to provide the comfort and support you deserve.

12. Refusal to Apologize

We all make mistakes, and part of taking responsibility for them is being able to apologize. A partner who consistently refuses to admit wrongdoing or apologize when they’ve hurt you is displaying a lack of accountability for their actions.

Acknowledging Fault

Think back to any disputes or disagreements you’ve had. Has your partner accepted fault and made an effort to reconcile, or do they tend to shift the blame? A meaningful apology can be an indicator of emotional maturity and respect for the relationship.


In conclusion, recognizing the signs of a less-than-ideal partner is the first step in preserving your well-being and happiness. Trust your instincts and don’t ignore red flags that might compromise your self-respect. While no relationship is perfect, the presence of these 12 indicators should give you pause and prompt a closer evaluation of the dynamic. Remember, you’re worthy of a relationship that uplifts you, respects you, and makes you feel valued.

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